November

I haven't felt like updating my blog lately, I am not sure why. I always love to blog. It could be that I don't have the time to just sit down and write out my thoughts. The time is getting near to when I lost Jayden and I just can not believe it will be here so soon. I am in such a daze some days and other days I am so overwhelmed I feel like I am drowning. 

Somedays I can not believe this is my reality. I am trying really hard to go thru each day and get thru it the best way I know how. I am have been trying to get the most out of my bible study group, but some days are hard because I am still not there with God. I am trying, but it hurts still so much. Just sitting here right now I am just so angry and don't understand why this had to happen to me. I know I may never know, but all I want is for Jayden to be here. I want to hold him and kiss him. I want to look into his eyes. I want to see the smile on his face when he sees me. I want to hear his cry. It is so hard being at work with the babies and seeing their look on their face when their mom picks them up. It makes my chest hurt. 

Jayden, mommy misses you so much and I would do anything to have you here...with me. 💜