Thursday, February 27, 2014

Winnie the Pooh

Today I was able to go with Austen's preschool class to go see Winnie the Pooh at the RAUE Center in Downtown CL and it was pretty cute and Austen loved it! He did great too, luckily it was just an hour show. Here are some pictures! :) Love the time I get to spend with him!



Thursday, February 20, 2014

What has been going on with Addison and Austen

Kisses for Mom on Valentines Day

 Austen's funny face


Me and my sweet girl

 Jay and I out for Valentines Day

Addison excited for Olympics to start

Addison and Zizi at the Bridal Show having fun

Auntie Em going on an adventure with Austen

 Adventure Time with Auntie Em
 

Today my sweet boy not feeling well 



Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Love this!

My soul sister, fellow Hope Mom, sent this to me today! I LOVE it! It describes exactly what I am feeling!

Making Sense of it all..

I am constantly trying to make sense of all that has happened to us in the last couple of months and you know what I get stuck at a brick wall every single time. I get frustrated trying to explain myself to my friends when I am having a bad day... "What is wrong" they ask. It is SO hard for people who have NOT been thru something like this to understand that there are up days and that there are down days. I feel like lately there have been alot of down days mixed into a couple of good days! The hardest part is trying to make sense of it all in my head! I feel most of the time everything goes on inside me. I rarely voice out these thoughts unless I am at my support group, talking to my counselor or Jay and I happen to have a discussion about it because he can tell I am having one of those days.

Those days consist of going back to being pregnant and back to that night where I lost our son because of an infection in MY body!!! I look at Jayden's picture all the time. I talk to him and try to talk to God in hopes that he can help me find some comfort in all this, because frankly I want to scream at him most of the times! I am thankful for my dear friend Jennifer, who is also a fellow Hope Mommy and knows exactly what it is like to go thru something like this. The only problem is she lives in Washington and that is just too far away. I know there are people that just want me to get stronger and to just worry about me. Well if you are those people then I suggest you take a few steps back and let me deal with this the only way I know how!!!
I am trying to hard to have HOPE in all this and faith that I will see my precious boy again!

Saturday, February 15, 2014

A Poem

I came across this poem tonight and it made me think of you Jayden, our sweet boy that I miss every single minute of the day. I only wish you were still in my belly.


We didn't have
to look into your eyes
to fall in love with you
We didn't need 
to hear you cry
to know you loved us too.
We didn't need 
to hold your hands
to cherish you for always.
Within my womb,
we shared our hearts.
You touched our souls.
You sweetened our spirits.
You gave us memories
we'll always hold dear.
Yes, Our hearts ache
since you departed too soon.
But a father and a mother's love
does not end with death,
for you are our child,
forever our love is yours.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Valentine's Day


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Hope Mommies

I have been blessed to find a group called Hope Mommies! Trusting God with their babies: born out of hope, taken to Christ in hope. I have met an amazing and I am sure a lifelong friend thru this group. Her name is also Jennifer and she has been such a huge support to me! Her trust and faith in God I believe will help me where I need to get too. The past weekend there was a retreat that I really wanted to go to, but was just not able to go. Jennifer was amazing and kept me updated on everything they did and took pictures so it felt like I was there. On Sunday I get a picture that she sent me this picture! They do a balloon release every time and she included our sweet boy in this and it made my heart melt. I felt so blessed and happy that she included Jayden on their prayer. This has to be my new favorite picture! I am so thankful for her and this group! I had to share!








Sunday, February 2, 2014

Dear Jayden


I think of you often and miss you every day. I heard a song today that brought me to tears thinking of you. The lyrics touch me so closely. The song made me happy and sad all at the same time. I think this is now the song that will always make me think of Jayden. Mama loves you Jayden, I hope you can feel my love even though I can't physically hug and kiss you.



Dragon tales and the Water is Wide
Pirates sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you

Godspeed little man
Sweet Dreams little man
Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings
Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)

The rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon we'll find the mouse
And I love you

Godspeed little man
Sweet Dreams little man
Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings
Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)

God bless Mommy and matchbox cars
God bless Dad and thanks for the stars
God hears "amen" wherever we are
And I love you

Godspeed little man
Sweet Dreams little man
Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings
Godspeed Godspeed
Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)

Two months