Letter to Jayden

Today is 6 years since I last held you, how can that be? How can it be 6 years since I last felt you, heard your heartbeat? It seems like forever, but also seems like yesterday.
There isn't an minute, hour, day that goes by that I don't miss you. I will forever wonder why you aren't here with us. As I sit and type this, you are next to me, not physically, but in the box I bought for your ashes. Your box is wrapped in the baby blanket the nurse wrapped you in when you were given to me after birth.
Oh how I wish you were here in my arms, but that was not your story. I feel robbed of so much. I never got to see you open your eyes, would they have been blue like your brothers or brown like your sisters? I never got to see you smile, hear you laugh, see you take your first step, hear you say "Mama" for the firs time. My heart breaks for the loss of you every day.

As, I look back on pictures over the past 6 years, it breaks my heart that you are not in any of them. Looking thru all those memories, vacations, milestones in our family, but you weren't physically here. That is not okay with me. I know you are with me in my heart and I see you thru Austen, but I will never be okay with you not being here with us.

Austen talks about you all the time. He wonders what you are doing up in heaven. He asks if you have friends. He also asks if you have found Papa. He knows for sure that Ariel has found you and she is laying on you like she always laid on me. He says you are giving her hugs for us.

I try so hard every day to make you proud and to share your story with everyone that I meet. I know today is not one of my strongest days, but I can't help it. I am so sorry for not being able to save you. As I lay here in my bed drowning in my tears, trying to catch my breathe, I just hope you know how much I love you. Dad and I were so excited when we found out I was pregnant with you. I treasured every single day I was pregnant. I loved feeling you move, I loved tracking the milestones and loved every chance I got to go in for a doctor's appointment. I would do it all over again even if it meant just to have 21 weeks with you all over again.

I never thought I would make it past the first year after losing you, but here I am 6 years later. I am not the same person I was before, but I would never want to be that person again. I pray that I am helping other moms that have lost a child like you by sharing your story. I also pray that for everyone of those moms I have met, you have met that child. I picture you with lots of kids that have parents on earth while you all run all over heaven and wait till we get there.

I like to picture you building sandcastles on the beach in heaven and that when you finally turn around I will be right there behind you. You will run to hug me and I will never let you go.


I can only imagine the party they are throwing for today in heaven.  I know Papa is there trying to steal your cake and make you laugh. I know that there are many others there with you like Muz, Boppa and Grandpa Ken as well. I can just picture all the other babies who have gone too soon as well surrounding you and celebrating you.

Jayden Christopher, you are missed and loved so much more than you may ever know.

Dragon tales and the Water is Wide

Pirates sail and lost boys fly

Fish bite moonbeams every night

And I love you

Godspeed little man

Sweet Dreams little man

Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings

Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)

The rocket racer's all tuckered out

Superman's in pajamas on the couch

Goodnight moon we'll find the mouse

And I love you

Godspeed little man

Sweet Dreams little man

Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings

Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)

God bless Mommy and matchbox cars

God bless Dad and thanks for the stars

God hears "amen" wherever we are

And I love you

Godspeed little man

Sweet Dreams little man

Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings

Godspeed Godspeed

Back to School time

Kids are now back to school. Our summer flew by and before we knew it, school is here. Well for the kids, not me. I don't start back at the preschool till after Labor Day! I can hardly believe that Addison is in 7th grade and Austen is in 4th grade. I am sure I told my kids that they couldn't grow up, but yet they keep getting older.
Addison just found out yesterday that she made the middle school volleyball team and we are so happy and proud! She is so excited! So far 7th grade is going good, but I know we will have a lot more homework this year. I know she will do great in anything that she does.

Austen is in boycotts again this year. He decided not to do soccer this year. He is still deciding about whether or not to do basketball again. He is loving school and has an amazing teacher. We are so blessed. He also has his best friend in his class this year! How lucky!!!!

I will begin my 5th year teaching at Little Journey Preschool in a couple weeks. I am so excited and excited to meet the new students! I will be teaching the 3s and the 2s again!!

I hope I will be able to update this more often. I keep getting ahead and then falling behind!

Women Crush Wednesday

I haven't been the best at keeping up with #womencrushwednesday but I wanted to start it up again.
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I wanted to shout out to all the moms out there who are doing their best job or maybe they don't think they are doing their best job. I am here to tell you that you are doing your best job! If you are ever worried about anything that has to do with how you are at this mom thing, then you are doing an amazing job!
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We need to do more of supporting each other as moms then the judging and comparing! We are all in this together! Being a mom is tough, it is so important that we help each other out. There are even times when we don't think we need the help and try to do so much on our own. I was that way, I felt like I could handle it all, but let's get real. We all can use some help and support.
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Let me clarify by saying we can all help just checking in on our friends. Call your friend. Text her. Ask simply how her day is going. You can make her day just by asking how she is doing.
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Being a mom is the best job in the whole world, but it is also the toughest job. I wouldn't change a thing about it thought!
#momlife #yourtribe #momof3

Summer Vacation

Well hello, I am so bummed that I have let this blog go. I swear I don't have a lot of time lately. I can't believe my last post was in March!? Wow! So much has happened...

Addison is now a 7th grader and Austen is a 4th grader. Time is flying so fast!

We went to Italy in June for my sister's wedding that was an experience in itself. 

Jay has been traveling a lot for business and I have been keeping up with the kids activities and social calendar! 

I will be going back in the Fall to teach at Little Journey Preschool. I can hardly believe it will be my 5th year teaching. I am thankful to have that job that works around my kid's school schedule. I love being able to work with some of my best friends too! 

I am thankful for my Rodan and Fields business, I have been able to not miss any summer moments while still making money.

Well that is it for now. I promise to get this blog up and going again. 

Life...

I tried to get better about blogging then well....life happened. I actually had to go back and see when my last post was and it was November of 2018!?! What the heck? Well

 Happy Spring! 

There has been so much that has happened since then. Thanksgiving, Christmas, basketball, volleyball tournaments...the list goes on and on. So let's recap on what has been going on.

I can hardly believe there are only a couple months left before the school year is over. Addison is loving middle school. She is loving her classes and teachers. There has definitely been some hard times with learning how to manage school, homework, volleyball and home life. She decided to try Track this year. I am proud of her for trying something new! Volleyball is slowly coming to an end, we will see if she will do the extended season.

Austen finished up basketball and ended up liking it. We had a rough start, but proud of him for sticking it out. Soccer will be started soon and Jay will be coaching again. Austen is excited to have 2 friends he knows on the team this time. He is doing so well in school. We are proud of him. We can hardly believe he will be in 4th grade soon. Time flies so fast.

Jay is loving his job and will be traveling more come April. We are doing pretty good with him being gone during the week. I feel like we are getting used to it. 

He is getting to travel a lot which will help with him getting lots of miles for future vacations for us! :)

As for me, I am keeping busy with #lifeasapreschoolteacher, this year has had many challenges, but things are getting better. My skincare business keeps growing and I am loving my little side gig. If you are interested in trying a free mini facial sample please email me at jenbaedke@gmail.com or you can go get a free skincare consultation on my website at Free Skincare Consult

I promise to do better with updating this site! Thank you for catching up with me!