The past couple of days I have participated in Capture Your Grief sharing for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. I will copy and paste the entries that I have done so far.
Capture Your Grief: Altar
I have many places around my house where there is something there that reminds me of Jayden. I have his picture with our family pictures, I have his memory box where he is wrapped in his blanket next to my bed on my nightstand along with his picture, I have the picture of his name written in the sand with a starfish that was given to me by Jay last Christmas. The place in the house where I have the most stuff is my dining room. I have a tree that Ikeep up all year round with all of his ornaments, anything that I have found with his name or had made. I have starfish that also had on that tree. I also have many quotes that were given to me that remind me of Jayden. I have his memory card that the funeral had made with a quote I had picked out. Eventually we would like to get a tree in our backyard to plan and have a memory garden for him. Some people may think that is a lot of stuff to have for a child that doesn't live in this house, but you know for me I had to find every tangible item I could to grab on to since I do not have a baby to hold. I will continue to look for things that remind me of my sweet boy. By having those things I feel that it helps me in the grieving process, that truly never ends.
Capture Your Grief: Support
When something like this happens people's true colors come out. I was thankful to have a tight family and a couple close friends that were there for me during this awful time. I had many friends bring meals, send flowers, notes and they did all these things even though they knew I couldn't see them...I didn't want to see anyone. They accepted that. They not only accepted it, but still stood by me supporting me even though I couldn't even talk on th
e phone to them. Many of them had never experienced a loss so they honestly had know idea what I was going through. The only support people I could bring myself to talk to was immediate family, my angel nurse Audree and Vikki who was a bereavement counselor at the hospital I delivered Jayden. I found a support group thru her and started to find comfort in the fact that I wasn't alone. Another support for me has been the organization Hope Mommies. I found them and connected with other moms who had known what it was like to lose a child. I recently joined a moms bible group where I met yet another mom who lost a child, she didn't have to share her loss with me, but she did and I am forever thankful for her. Thanks to her sharing we formed an instant friendship. Support is such an important thing when you lose a child and I am so thankful for my support group!
Capture Your Grief:
I haven't participate in the whole month for this, but thought I would start on Day 9 and go thru the 15th. There is a lot I do to remember my sweet boy. I am constantly trying to educate people to know that losing Jayden wasn't just another miscarriage. I held my sweet boy in my arms for hours and kissed him. I delivered him. I have a beautiful tree that I have decorated with ornaments with his name and starfish which is my symbol for him. I have always loved the beach and to have the starfish be his symbol means so much!
I know that some people think okay well I should be "over" it. I am thinking what does that even mean? I feel like saying could you just forget one of your kids?? I know this is such a hush hush topic, but why should it be?? It happens 1 in 4 women. We need to help break the silence and remember the sweet babies that are no longer with us.
