1st Christmas

I came across this and it rang so true to me. I really love this and it makes my heart ache for my sweet boy. I can't help but think about if everything had gone as planned in my pregnancy that this would have been Jayden's first Christmas. This was always such a special time for me and one of my favorite times, it makes me sad I can't share with Jayden. I still can not believe this is my reality. Love you sweet boy! Mama misses you every single day!

Family Christmas

This past Saturday we had our family Christmas with my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins. It was fun to see everyone and to be able to let my kids play with my cousins kids. So cute! Here are some pictures from the day!

Jayden's Birthday

I haven't posted about Jayden's birthday. It was hard for me to decide what would be the perfect way to celebrate my sweet boy, a boy we didn't get a chance to get to know that well. I cried a lot on this day. My heart ached up until this day.  I miss my sweet boy. If all had gone as planned we would be celebrating Jayden's first Christmas. I think about all of the cute outfits I would have him in, all the firsts we would experience around the holidays with him and Addison and Austen.  When I see boys around 8 months I think about Jayden all the time. I have tears in my eyes. I wanted to share pictures of this day. We ended up going to Nick's Pizza for dinner which is a favorite of Addison and Austen. We thought it was perfect to celebrate his day at their favorite restaurant. We released balloons and got a cake for him. We love you Jayden and miss you every single day.

Today

It has been awhile since I posted. The anniversary of Jayden being born has been tough. I have been trying to stay strong, but it has been hard. Today was Addison's first reconciliation and it was also the first time I was back inside the church since Jayden's memorial service. Addison did great at reconciliation. They also let the parents of the child participate as well. At first I didn't think I was going to do it, but after Jay spoke with the priest, I decided I was going to go as well. It has been obvious that I haven't been so close to the church as I have wanted to be. Father Max, was really great with me which was good since I was crying my eyes out talking about Jayden. He was really great and assured me of everything I needed to know and hear. He also told me that anytime I feel alone or need to feel my faith to ask Jayden to pray for his mommy. It was very healing for me.

After that we left the church, and went to Austen's school for cookies with Santa. It was so cute. They had crafts and games. The kids had a blast. Check out the pictures.