Christmas fun

Here are some pictures from some of the Christmas events we have been doing.

Cookies with Santa

Austen with his best buddy Mason

Helping with the breads

Addison and Kaelyn

 Addison's holiday party

Austen's holiday party

Jayden Name Gallery

Jayden

I am not sure why it has taken me so long to write about Jayden's birthday. Every year at this time it seems to get harder and harder. I keep thinking why was my child taken away from me. I can't help but wonder at times how life would be different with 3 kids. I know it isn't healthy, but I do.

I love celebrating Jayden and sharing his life with everyone. This year I did something different and I asked everyone to share Jayden's name in creative ways. I loved seeing his name fill Facebook and my text messages. It means a lot that people still help me remember him and celebrate him.

Hard time

I am missing my boy so much today! This day hit me extra hard today and I never know when or why the grief and emotions will hit me. I can't help but keep thinking about the last time I held him, when I felt him in my belly and the joy I felt when I found out I was pregnant. There are songs that really speak to me, they also make me cry, but in a strange way that feeling makes me feel closer to Jayden.

Here is one of those songs:

https://youtu.be/FlDUkp1Ts8A

Jayden

I can hardly believe that it has been 3 years since I lost my boy. As the years go by one would think that it would get easier, but it sure doesn't. I can not believe that in just a few short days it will be 3 years since Jayden left me. I miss him so much every day. I still have trouble with my anger. It is awful. I hate that.

I know Jayden wouldn't want me to be angry, but I can't help it. I miss him every day. I wish he was here. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him. I hope and pray that he knows it. I still can not believe that this is my reality. 

Happy Thanksgiving

Seriously...Where have I been?

This is so not like me?!? I used to post all the time and now the last time I posted was in May?!! So crazy! Well obviously so much has happened since May that trying to catch up would take forever.

I can focus on just some of the highlights. Addison turned 10...10 how and when did this happen?!?! She had a fun birthday party at Color Me Mine with some of her close friends. Another big thing that happened for her is she experienced her first sleepover!! She had an amazing time and actually stayed the whole night! I remember how fun sleepovers were when I was little! I am excited for her to experience more, just not sure I am ready for them to be at my house. 😁.

Austen had a good summer reuniting with his kindergarten class. His teacher was so amazing and will forever have a place in our hearts. The whole class got along so well and Austen learned so much in kindergarten that Miss Gauger(his teacher) set the bar so high for any other teacher he would have in the future.

We were pleased after going to Open House learned that both kids were going to have a great year with good teachers. Addison had a rough year last year so it is nice to know that this year will be so different. 😄 Luckily they both LOVE school and have already met a lot of new friends.

Addison and Austen are playing soccer this fall which makes it fun and interesting for Jay and I since both games are on Saturdays⚽️. Jay is coaching Austen so he is always with him.  Addison also started gymnastics this fall and is loving every minute of it. She is very good and we are so proud of her!

I was very excited to learn that I was going to be at Little Journey Preschool 5 days this fall teaching the 2 year olds and the 3 year olds.😄 I am so blessed to have worked there last year and it just feels like home to me. I am very thankful that I get to go to that Preschool every day to work with amazing teachers and get to be around amazing kids and their families. It is a true blessing!

We just had some amazing pictures taken by the amazing Nikki Sustek! If you need pictures taken, she is your girl! Nikki is amazing because she is so good at adding our precious boy to our pictures.  I miss Jayden every single day. My life just isn't the same without him. How can we be coming up on 3 years without him!? I can't even wrap my head around it right now. I am so thankful for the people I have met along the way and who I have connected with because of him. I have also had people contact me because of our loss and I have been able to share my story with so many people. I love when I can share Jayden, or when people ask about him. I love when people ask about him, it makes my day. Sometimes people are like I am sorry for bringing him up, but I say you bringing him up doesn't make me sad. I know that he isn't with me, but by you bringing him up it helps me know that other people acknowledge that he did live and I will forever be his mom. I pray every day that he is looking down on me and is proud of me. I hate that I am not with him now, but when my time comes to reunite with him, I will never ever let him go.

I will promise that I will try and post more often, I know I said that before but I will try harder!

Where have I been?

Wow? February really? I haven't posted since then, boy I sure thought about it a lot, but time gets away from me lately. This year sure has been busy with Austen being in all day kindergarten. I really miss him and somedays I can not believe he really is in kindergarten. Thankfully he is loving every minute of it. This definitely has been a tough year for Addison. I never remember 3rd grade being such a tough year for me, but kids are mean. Somedays when I hear what Addison is telling me about how kids act and or treat her in school I want to go there and put them in their place, but again not my place to do that. I am praying that next year she gets a better class all together.

I have been busy building up my business with R+F! It has been a true blessing. I am so thankful for this opportunity and can't wait to see where the next couple of months take me. I am going to the convention in Vegas in October and can't wait! It will be an amazing experience for sure!

Jay has been traveling on and off, but still loves his job for the most part which I am thankful for. We just booked out trip to Florida in June and for the first time in awhile we are all traveling together! I can't wait! I need the sunshine for sure!!!

I have been still going to my therapy sessions regularly when it works. I really believe they are helping me. I still can not believe that is has been 2 years since losing Jayden. I still wake up and believe it is some nightmare that I can't get out of. I pray that he knows how much I miss him and love him. He was so loved and wanted. I want to update on the March of Babies Walk, but I need to get off to my second favorite job, being a preschool teacher! I am hoping for 5 days there next year!

Snow Day

The kids did a mini musical the last weekend in January. It was so cute and it was Austen's 1st musical. He was nervous at first, but then so excited every time he got to do it. It helped that his friend Ally from his class was doing it as well. I got so much joy seeing both of my kids up on stage together. I love that they both have my love of music and theater. Addison is already talking about doing it again next year! Now they are both on to soccer!