My sweet Jayden, mommy and daddy love you so much and we think about you every day! Thanks to family and close friends, we have beautiful flowers all around our house in remembrance to you. I have your ornament that Nonna and mommy found at a craft show with your name and year. Nonna found it and it was the only one and I knew it was perfect for our perfect little boy. Every time I go to a store I look for anything with your name. I long to find something I can hold onto since I no longer can hold you. Those hours that your Daddy and I got to hold you were some of the best moments that I will treasure forever and ever. I have to believe that you knew how much we loved you and wanted you. I have to believe you felt our hugs and kisses and felt the warmth in the air when your grandparents got to see you for the first time. You were loved from the moment your were conceived. I loved every minute that you were in my belly. I never once complained. Your mommy is one of the few that loved being pregnant and really loved every minute of it. I loved the feeling and connection we had. My favorite moments were when I would go up to bed at night and just lay in bed feeling my belly and talk to you. I hope you felt the same connection with me as well. I hug your blanket and memory box every night before bed. I long for you to be able to look into my eyes and see the love I have for you. I would give anything to hear your cry in the middle of the night, the sound that most parents dread because that means the baby is awake and needs something. Oh how I wish I could hear your sweet baby cry.
Today on Christmas Eve, I hope you are happy, healthy and in Papa's arms surrounded by other love ones that have passed away(Boppa, Muz and Grandpa Ken). I hope that he is telling you stories that find you comfort in knowing that you have a very loving family that miss you every single day. You have two older siblings that talk about you and love you so much. I can only imagine the fun and mischief you and Austen would have gotten into together. I pray that you are always with him to give him strength. Addison so looked forward to holding you, I pray that you are with her every night as she holds that teddy bear so tight that she got from our amazing bereavement counselor. Please know Jayden that your parents are always with you and love you more than you will ever know! I have a long way to go before I am back to what people says "normal", not sure I will ever be back to that exact person, but I know from other people that have experienced a loss like this that it will take time. I deserve as much time as I need to grieve. On December 1,we lost the most perfect little boy and gained our own personal angel that I believe will be with us and give us strength and love that Daddy and I need every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment