Hope Mommies Retreat

I am sitting here right now listening to the Hope Mommies Retreat Playlist thru Spotify and letting the music fill my soul. This past weekend I had the pleasure of meeting other Hope Mommies, other women who have lost a baby. It is something that I never wanted nor would have I ever expected to experience. I have not been the same since losing Jayden, nor would I want to be that person I was.
After a weekend like the one I have experienced, I have so many more emotions that are flowing in me. I loved being around other mommies that understand what it feels like to lose a child. It is a place where I don't have to worry about getting weird looks or the sad face because in all honesty anyone that hasn't experienced a pregnancy loss doesn't get it.

I connected with 2 girls there that had also lost boys. I am thankful for them and connecting with them. Pregnancy loss is something that no one should have to experience, but as I have seen after losing Jayden it happens way too often.  I want to be able to help other moms create a place that is safe and they can celebrate their babies. The Hope Mommies Retreat is just once a year, I would love to have some place to go to more often.

I plan on doing more things to get me closer to Jayden and to God. I know that he is near, sometimes it is harder than others to feel him close, I know he is there.

#Iamahopemom

Life as a Mom

So I am not sure why it takes me so long to keep up with this. Life sure keeps me busy with these two kids. I am blessed with these two kids, but life sure can get hard at times. I have had many struggles more since losing Jayden. Yes, I know for those that follow my blog know that it has been over 4 years now of me losing Jayden, but every day it is still fresh. I am still not the same person I was before losing him. That is ok. It is okay for me not to be the same person. I am thankful for those people that have stuck by me thru it all.

So many years laters things have changed, mostly my kids have getting bigger. Addison is 11 going on 14. I look at her every day and can not believe that I have a daughter this old. She is so beautiful and I am so thankful she is mine. Life is tough sometimes because she gets hormonal and I feel bad that she has to go thru all this so early, but she is handling it so well. I want her to know so much that I am trying, I am really trying my hardest. Maybe it doesn't always seem like it, but I am really trying.
Austen, god bless him is my little man. I feel so much that at times I am closer to him because I believe Jayden is working thru him and almost living thru him in a way. I know that may sound weird, but it is so true. It at least feels true for me. He can give me a run for my money for sure, but when it comes down to it, I know that he tries his hardest to make sure I am ok.

I really feel that I try my hardest every day and not sure it seems like it on the outside. I know somedays it may not seem that way.

I am needing to realize that it is okay, for me to not always be okay. I try every day to be the best mom/wife I can be and I just hope my family knows that I am doing the best I can.

Christmas

I have been so bad at keeping up with my blog. I wish I was better, but time just gets away from me. Life between both kids activities, school, homework, my work, my business, and just keeping up with the home gets busy. I used to love to blog. It was an outlet for me. I sit and think about how much life has changed in the past years. I love watching the kids grow, but then again life is just moving too fast for me. I wanted to share a picture of the kids with Santa this year. Addison was very hesitant to sit on his lap, but Santa reminded her that you are never to old to believe and sit on Santa's lap. :)  That made me smile! Love these two so much!

Where have I been?

I am so sad that I haven't been able to keep this up.  I loved being able to do this, but I have been terrible about it. I mean how hard can this be to keep up a blog?! Very hard I guess.

I am not even going to attempt to recap what has been going on, but just start with the present.

Thankfully Addison and Austen is loving school! We are so thankful and blessed to have both kids with two amazing teachers. It is hard to believe this is the last year of elementary school for Addison. I mean it feels that she was just this old.

I am so not ready for this next stage in life, but I don't think anyone really is. She is really coming into her own person and I swear somedays she is 16. Help me! She is a beautiful girl and I am blessed every day that I get to be her mother, even though somedays I feel that I am not being a great one.

She loves volleyball and gymnastics and loves being around her friends! 

Austen is my sweet boy and I thank every day that he is mine. I can not believe he is in 2nd grade! Why does he have to be getting older? He is still a mama's boy and tells me he loves me about 100 times a day and I love it!  He loves school and his friends. He has such a sweet heart and he mentions Jayden all the time. It makes me sad at the same time. He is excited to start basketball this winter! I am proud of him that he wants to try something new. He is now a Wolf in Cub Scouts and already had his first campout! 

I am so blessed with these two amazing children.

Almost Summer

Where has the year gone? Honestly I feel the school year just started and here I am just 6 days left of school.  I have been blessed to have been working at Little Journey! I love my job and love that I get to work with such amazing families. I am ready for a break for sure.

Addison and Austen I think are ready for school to be over, but also sad. They both loved their teachers and class this year. I am so glad that they had a great year. We are looking forward to summer for our trip to Florida in June, which is always a fun time.

I need to comment right now on what is currently going on at my house. My daughter, my 10 year old daughter is outside with 2 friends doing music.ly videos and chatting about boys!! I don't remember doing any of this when I was 10.

I have noticed this year especially Addison has grown up a ton! She know will only wear certain things to school, cares about what everyone thinks...except her mom, talks to her friends on the phone! I am so not ready for all the new stuff. When did I get to be a mom with a 10 year old and a 7 year old. Seriously??

Where are these kids?

It feels like just yesterday they were little! I miss those times so much! If I think about it too much I will start crying! I miss so much of when they were toddlers. I know there are so many more memories to look forward to and make. Life goes so fast! I am thankful I can be around as much as I am. I always say to those parents who have toddlers and keep wishing for them to grow up sooner, it will be gone before you know it. Enjoy it, treasure that time, embrace every moment you have!

This got a lot deeper that I thought it would, but anywhere I am back to blogging and hope to keep it up every week! 

I am so sad that I haven't be good with keeping up with my blog. I really need to get started an continue more. My life just keeps getting busier and busier. I need to make the time. 

I honestly will try to be better about keeping this up to date!

New Year..2017

Well I can not believe it is already February of 2017! Where has the time gone? I am not doing that good keeping up with my blog. I need to make it a priority for at least once a week. So much has happened since my last post. We had Christmas and then our family from Virginia Beach came out after Christmas thru New Years! It was lot of fun and the kids had a blast being together! January was a very busy month with Austen's birthday! I still can not believe my sweet boy turned 7. I still remember when he born! I wanted to share some pictures from his birthday!