Happy 2021!!!

 I swear I mean well, but I can't keep up with this blog. I am so sad, because I love reading the past posts.

Well we start the year off, with Addison in 8th grade and Austen turned 11 and is in 5th. We are now in our new home and loving everything minute! We are very blessed to have found this amazing house and neighborhood.  Jay is still working from home thanks to Covid, but I also have found a full time job where I get to work from home!

It is a blessing for sure, but not everyone is used to me working all the time. It is an adjustment, but we are so thankful.

Addison is doing volleyball at Mission and Austen has found karate as a new hobby.

We are hoping to go to Florida in June and we need the break! 

I really promise to be better!

Summer...what is Summer?

 Man oh man, I have dropped the ball yet again on updating this blog.

 I would like to say I will get better, but life just keeps getting crazier and crazier. We are moving out in less than a week here of our home we have been in for 14 years. I can't even believe it. We have made so many memories in this house. 

A week from today we will say goodbye to our first home.
The home we have been in for 14 years.
The home we moved into when I was pregnant with Addison.
The home we brought 2 babies home.
The home we returned after losing Jayden.
The home we had many birthday celebrations.
The home both of our kids crawled for the first time and took their first steps.
The home we celebrated many holidays in.
The home that we had to say goodbye to our sweet Ariel.

We never thought we would be in this house for as long as we have been, but it has brought us so many joys and happy memories. I also wouldn’t have thought we would be moving during a pandemic, but this is what it is.

We are so blessed and so thankful.💗

Easter...Quarantine Style

So Easter was a little different this year as well as everything else. We had a nice casual morning at home and my parents stopped by with Easter goodies for the kids. It was so weird not having to rush anywhere.

These times are tough, but I know we will be stronger once we make it thru to the other side of all this. The kids are struggling a bit with not being able to see friends or hug my parents, but this will all pass. I have hope and faith that we are getting closer to the time that things will slowly get back to a little bit of normal life. It will of course never be the same, but nothing really ever is.

 Social Distancing Easter Picture

What day is it?

I swear it sure is hard to keep track of what day it really is. It is hard to imagine the time when we were able to go to work, when the kids were in school, when we got to see family.

How is everyone doing out there? We have had some good moments. Last week was Spring Break, but it was different than it was supposed to be. Kids did not have get togethers with friends, I didn't get to have a girls night with my friends, Jay didn't get to travel for work.

We are enjoying family time by watching some movies that Jay and I loved. There are days when it feels like we are just in the movie Groundhog day. I know this is all necessary, but I am praying it all ends soon.

I have been keeping sane by getting up early and working out with my workout group. We get up by 6 to do a workout together via Zoom. It is so motivating! I love it!  I also got to catch a singer that Jay and I used to listen to at the Bradley bars... Hello Dave.

The kids also have been able to use Zoom to see their classmates and teachers. I keep reminding the kids that they are so lucky to have this technology to keep up with their school work and to FaceTime with their friends.

Here are some pictures from the past couple of days!

A Week

We have made it a week of being in the house. The kids survived their first week of e-learning and now we are officially on Spring Break!
We didn't have plans for Spring Break, but we at least planned on going places. We were going to head to Iowa to visit friends and family, but that had to be cancelled. This past weekend should have been Addison's last tournament with her volleyball team.

There are times when it is getting tough and we don't think there is an end in site, but I have hope that this will all come to an end soon enough. We will learn to appreciate so much more.

I admit the kids are handling it a little better than I am, but I am trying. Addison has been doing fashion shows with her clothes and cleaning out her closet of clothes that do not fit anymore or that she just doesn't like. Austen has been keeping busy with his drawing, listening to his favorite tv stars, reading. Here are some pictures of the last couple of days.

Day 2

Here is to Day 2 of e-learning. I think we did pretty good. I have hope and faith that we will get through this and be stronger because of it!

We had to get Addison's tooth fixed from when she fell. I treated them to McDonalds and then we headed home. We had e-learning for most of the afternoon. Austen and I took a virtual tour of the National History Museum in DC. It was pretty cool/ We decided to take break and went for a  walk. We then celebrated with a green milk and green beer. 

We will get through this! 

Update

I always plan to update more on here, but as always other things get in the way. Due to the US Coronavirus outbreak we are being forced to stay inside as much as we can and away from big crowds.

• Kids school have been closed.
• My work has been closed
• Starting today restaurants and bars will be closed to dine-in

I have seen lots of things come out from this outbreak and one thing that I think we need to remember is being kind doesn't cost a thing. I just don't understand all the rudeness and judgement. We need more smiles and less hate.

I will be better at updating. Today marked Day 1 of the kid's e-learning. It went surprisingly well! I am currently on my own while Jay is at work, but hopefully will be home sooner than later! 

Letter to Jayden

Today is 6 years since I last held you, how can that be? How can it be 6 years since I last felt you, heard your heartbeat? It seems like forever, but also seems like yesterday.
There isn't an minute, hour, day that goes by that I don't miss you. I will forever wonder why you aren't here with us. As I sit and type this, you are next to me, not physically, but in the box I bought for your ashes. Your box is wrapped in the baby blanket the nurse wrapped you in when you were given to me after birth.
Oh how I wish you were here in my arms, but that was not your story. I feel robbed of so much. I never got to see you open your eyes, would they have been blue like your brothers or brown like your sisters? I never got to see you smile, hear you laugh, see you take your first step, hear you say "Mama" for the firs time. My heart breaks for the loss of you every day.

As, I look back on pictures over the past 6 years, it breaks my heart that you are not in any of them. Looking thru all those memories, vacations, milestones in our family, but you weren't physically here. That is not okay with me. I know you are with me in my heart and I see you thru Austen, but I will never be okay with you not being here with us.

Austen talks about you all the time. He wonders what you are doing up in heaven. He asks if you have friends. He also asks if you have found Papa. He knows for sure that Ariel has found you and she is laying on you like she always laid on me. He says you are giving her hugs for us.

I try so hard every day to make you proud and to share your story with everyone that I meet. I know today is not one of my strongest days, but I can't help it. I am so sorry for not being able to save you. As I lay here in my bed drowning in my tears, trying to catch my breathe, I just hope you know how much I love you. Dad and I were so excited when we found out I was pregnant with you. I treasured every single day I was pregnant. I loved feeling you move, I loved tracking the milestones and loved every chance I got to go in for a doctor's appointment. I would do it all over again even if it meant just to have 21 weeks with you all over again.

I never thought I would make it past the first year after losing you, but here I am 6 years later. I am not the same person I was before, but I would never want to be that person again. I pray that I am helping other moms that have lost a child like you by sharing your story. I also pray that for everyone of those moms I have met, you have met that child. I picture you with lots of kids that have parents on earth while you all run all over heaven and wait till we get there.

I like to picture you building sandcastles on the beach in heaven and that when you finally turn around I will be right there behind you. You will run to hug me and I will never let you go.


I can only imagine the party they are throwing for today in heaven.  I know Papa is there trying to steal your cake and make you laugh. I know that there are many others there with you like Muz, Boppa and Grandpa Ken as well. I can just picture all the other babies who have gone too soon as well surrounding you and celebrating you.

Jayden Christopher, you are missed and loved so much more than you may ever know.

Dragon tales and the Water is Wide

Pirates sail and lost boys fly

Fish bite moonbeams every night

And I love you

Godspeed little man

Sweet Dreams little man

Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings

Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)

The rocket racer's all tuckered out

Superman's in pajamas on the couch

Goodnight moon we'll find the mouse

And I love you

Godspeed little man

Sweet Dreams little man

Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings

Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)

God bless Mommy and matchbox cars

God bless Dad and thanks for the stars

God hears "amen" wherever we are

And I love you

Godspeed little man

Sweet Dreams little man

Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angel's wings

Godspeed Godspeed

Back to School time

Kids are now back to school. Our summer flew by and before we knew it, school is here. Well for the kids, not me. I don't start back at the preschool till after Labor Day! I can hardly believe that Addison is in 7th grade and Austen is in 4th grade. I am sure I told my kids that they couldn't grow up, but yet they keep getting older.
Addison just found out yesterday that she made the middle school volleyball team and we are so happy and proud! She is so excited! So far 7th grade is going good, but I know we will have a lot more homework this year. I know she will do great in anything that she does.

Austen is in boycotts again this year. He decided not to do soccer this year. He is still deciding about whether or not to do basketball again. He is loving school and has an amazing teacher. We are so blessed. He also has his best friend in his class this year! How lucky!!!!

I will begin my 5th year teaching at Little Journey Preschool in a couple weeks. I am so excited and excited to meet the new students! I will be teaching the 3s and the 2s again!!

I hope I will be able to update this more often. I keep getting ahead and then falling behind!

Women Crush Wednesday

I haven't been the best at keeping up with #womencrushwednesday but I wanted to start it up again.
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I wanted to shout out to all the moms out there who are doing their best job or maybe they don't think they are doing their best job. I am here to tell you that you are doing your best job! If you are ever worried about anything that has to do with how you are at this mom thing, then you are doing an amazing job!
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We need to do more of supporting each other as moms then the judging and comparing! We are all in this together! Being a mom is tough, it is so important that we help each other out. There are even times when we don't think we need the help and try to do so much on our own. I was that way, I felt like I could handle it all, but let's get real. We all can use some help and support.
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Let me clarify by saying we can all help just checking in on our friends. Call your friend. Text her. Ask simply how her day is going. You can make her day just by asking how she is doing.
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Being a mom is the best job in the whole world, but it is also the toughest job. I wouldn't change a thing about it thought!
#momlife #yourtribe #momof3

Summer Vacation

Well hello, I am so bummed that I have let this blog go. I swear I don't have a lot of time lately. I can't believe my last post was in March!? Wow! So much has happened...

Addison is now a 7th grader and Austen is a 4th grader. Time is flying so fast!

We went to Italy in June for my sister's wedding that was an experience in itself. 

Jay has been traveling a lot for business and I have been keeping up with the kids activities and social calendar! 

I will be going back in the Fall to teach at Little Journey Preschool. I can hardly believe it will be my 5th year teaching. I am thankful to have that job that works around my kid's school schedule. I love being able to work with some of my best friends too! 

I am thankful for my Rodan and Fields business, I have been able to not miss any summer moments while still making money.

Well that is it for now. I promise to get this blog up and going again. 

Life...

I tried to get better about blogging then well....life happened. I actually had to go back and see when my last post was and it was November of 2018!?! What the heck? Well

 Happy Spring! 

There has been so much that has happened since then. Thanksgiving, Christmas, basketball, volleyball tournaments...the list goes on and on. So let's recap on what has been going on.

I can hardly believe there are only a couple months left before the school year is over. Addison is loving middle school. She is loving her classes and teachers. There has definitely been some hard times with learning how to manage school, homework, volleyball and home life. She decided to try Track this year. I am proud of her for trying something new! Volleyball is slowly coming to an end, we will see if she will do the extended season.

Austen finished up basketball and ended up liking it. We had a rough start, but proud of him for sticking it out. Soccer will be started soon and Jay will be coaching again. Austen is excited to have 2 friends he knows on the team this time. He is doing so well in school. We are proud of him. We can hardly believe he will be in 4th grade soon. Time flies so fast.

Jay is loving his job and will be traveling more come April. We are doing pretty good with him being gone during the week. I feel like we are getting used to it. 

He is getting to travel a lot which will help with him getting lots of miles for future vacations for us! :)

As for me, I am keeping busy with #lifeasapreschoolteacher, this year has had many challenges, but things are getting better. My skincare business keeps growing and I am loving my little side gig. If you are interested in trying a free mini facial sample please email me at jenbaedke@gmail.com or you can go get a free skincare consultation on my website at Free Skincare Consult

I promise to do better with updating this site! Thank you for catching up with me!

Happy Sunday!

Woah...this is the second post in less than a week!! Yay! I am so happy! LOL I wanted to share what I have been up to. Jay has now started a new job which is keeping him busy. His schedule will be different so it has been an adjustment, but we are getting there.
I have recently started a Facebook group that will go live this week, it is called Footprints on the heart! <3 I have created it for Moms that have lost a child to have a place for them to be able to share their baby and be around other moms who get it. I remember one of the hardest things for me besides losing Jayden was not knowing anyone who has lost a child before.

I am thankful for the people I have met since losing Jayden. I believe that Jayden has put these people in my life to help me thru my grieving process. I hope to be able to be there for other moms.

If interested in learning more about my group, please comment or contact me. I love helping to #breakthesilence and to share Jayden's story with everyone that I meet.

Where have I been?

Wow! I am so embarrassed! Why has it taken me so long to post. I used to be so good! That is about to change! I don't know if it is me turning 40 this year or just changes in my day to day life, but I have been thinking alot lately about finding that passion. As my kids are getting older, I am finding myself struggling to find that spark to give me something more, something more than a mom.

Please don't get me wrong, being a mom has been the best job in the whole world, I am so thankful for all 3 of my children. I am thankful for a husband that works hard everyday for his family. I am beyond proud of the man he has become. He is constantly challenging himself with new things.

I have been fortunate in having a job working at a preschool. I have met so many amazing people and kids, but I feel like there is so much more that I could be doing. I also have my own skincare business that I am fortunate to have on the side. There is still something missing. I was reminded by a friend today that my passion lies with Jayden, in helping other people by sharing his story. I will drop anything to help another mom who has lost a child. I know how alone that feeling is. I want to be able to help others the way that Hope Mommies helped me.

I am going to make it a priority to update this blog at least once a week!

Thank you for sticking with me and checking in.

Spring...No Break

We are at the end of our Spring Break. Last year the kids were spoiled and we went on the Disney Cruise with my parents. We usually don't go anywhere for Spring Break since we usually go to Florida in June. Well because of last year, my kids were wanting to know what we were doing for Spring Break this year.  I said we will be getting together with some friends, but mainly hanging around the house.

Now to a kid that sounds so boring, but to a mom that sounded heavenly. I loved not having to get up early in the morning before everyone else and get everyone ready. I am the one that makes sure everyone is up on time, dressed, fed and has everything ready for school. It has been nice to sleep in and slowly start our day. We have also been trying to limit the use of technology and I know to some parents that sounds awful especially it being break, but to me it was necessary.  I loved it! I was able to spend more time with my daughter. She is getting older and I know the days of her wanting to hang out with me are limited.

As much as I don't want this week to end, I know I don't have any control over it. I have to get back to work and the kids back to school. The next couple of months will be busy ones and before we know it, it will be Summer! Time is just flying way too fast. We all have to remember to just slow down, stop, and enjoy the little moments.

Hope Mommies Retreat

I am sitting here right now listening to the Hope Mommies Retreat Playlist thru Spotify and letting the music fill my soul. This past weekend I had the pleasure of meeting other Hope Mommies, other women who have lost a baby. It is something that I never wanted nor would have I ever expected to experience. I have not been the same since losing Jayden, nor would I want to be that person I was.
After a weekend like the one I have experienced, I have so many more emotions that are flowing in me. I loved being around other mommies that understand what it feels like to lose a child. It is a place where I don't have to worry about getting weird looks or the sad face because in all honesty anyone that hasn't experienced a pregnancy loss doesn't get it.

I connected with 2 girls there that had also lost boys. I am thankful for them and connecting with them. Pregnancy loss is something that no one should have to experience, but as I have seen after losing Jayden it happens way too often.  I want to be able to help other moms create a place that is safe and they can celebrate their babies. The Hope Mommies Retreat is just once a year, I would love to have some place to go to more often.

I plan on doing more things to get me closer to Jayden and to God. I know that he is near, sometimes it is harder than others to feel him close, I know he is there.

#Iamahopemom

Life as a Mom

So I am not sure why it takes me so long to keep up with this. Life sure keeps me busy with these two kids. I am blessed with these two kids, but life sure can get hard at times. I have had many struggles more since losing Jayden. Yes, I know for those that follow my blog know that it has been over 4 years now of me losing Jayden, but every day it is still fresh. I am still not the same person I was before losing him. That is ok. It is okay for me not to be the same person. I am thankful for those people that have stuck by me thru it all.

So many years laters things have changed, mostly my kids have getting bigger. Addison is 11 going on 14. I look at her every day and can not believe that I have a daughter this old. She is so beautiful and I am so thankful she is mine. Life is tough sometimes because she gets hormonal and I feel bad that she has to go thru all this so early, but she is handling it so well. I want her to know so much that I am trying, I am really trying my hardest. Maybe it doesn't always seem like it, but I am really trying.
Austen, god bless him is my little man. I feel so much that at times I am closer to him because I believe Jayden is working thru him and almost living thru him in a way. I know that may sound weird, but it is so true. It at least feels true for me. He can give me a run for my money for sure, but when it comes down to it, I know that he tries his hardest to make sure I am ok.

I really feel that I try my hardest every day and not sure it seems like it on the outside. I know somedays it may not seem that way.

I am needing to realize that it is okay, for me to not always be okay. I try every day to be the best mom/wife I can be and I just hope my family knows that I am doing the best I can.

Christmas

I have been so bad at keeping up with my blog. I wish I was better, but time just gets away from me. Life between both kids activities, school, homework, my work, my business, and just keeping up with the home gets busy. I used to love to blog. It was an outlet for me. I sit and think about how much life has changed in the past years. I love watching the kids grow, but then again life is just moving too fast for me. I wanted to share a picture of the kids with Santa this year. Addison was very hesitant to sit on his lap, but Santa reminded her that you are never to old to believe and sit on Santa's lap. :)  That made me smile! Love these two so much!

Where have I been?

I am so sad that I haven't been able to keep this up.  I loved being able to do this, but I have been terrible about it. I mean how hard can this be to keep up a blog?! Very hard I guess.

I am not even going to attempt to recap what has been going on, but just start with the present.

Thankfully Addison and Austen is loving school! We are so thankful and blessed to have both kids with two amazing teachers. It is hard to believe this is the last year of elementary school for Addison. I mean it feels that she was just this old.

I am so not ready for this next stage in life, but I don't think anyone really is. She is really coming into her own person and I swear somedays she is 16. Help me! She is a beautiful girl and I am blessed every day that I get to be her mother, even though somedays I feel that I am not being a great one.

She loves volleyball and gymnastics and loves being around her friends! 

Austen is my sweet boy and I thank every day that he is mine. I can not believe he is in 2nd grade! Why does he have to be getting older? He is still a mama's boy and tells me he loves me about 100 times a day and I love it!  He loves school and his friends. He has such a sweet heart and he mentions Jayden all the time. It makes me sad at the same time. He is excited to start basketball this winter! I am proud of him that he wants to try something new. He is now a Wolf in Cub Scouts and already had his first campout! 

I am so blessed with these two amazing children.

Almost Summer

Where has the year gone? Honestly I feel the school year just started and here I am just 6 days left of school.  I have been blessed to have been working at Little Journey! I love my job and love that I get to work with such amazing families. I am ready for a break for sure.

Addison and Austen I think are ready for school to be over, but also sad. They both loved their teachers and class this year. I am so glad that they had a great year. We are looking forward to summer for our trip to Florida in June, which is always a fun time.

I need to comment right now on what is currently going on at my house. My daughter, my 10 year old daughter is outside with 2 friends doing music.ly videos and chatting about boys!! I don't remember doing any of this when I was 10.

I have noticed this year especially Addison has grown up a ton! She know will only wear certain things to school, cares about what everyone thinks...except her mom, talks to her friends on the phone! I am so not ready for all the new stuff. When did I get to be a mom with a 10 year old and a 7 year old. Seriously??

Where are these kids?

It feels like just yesterday they were little! I miss those times so much! If I think about it too much I will start crying! I miss so much of when they were toddlers. I know there are so many more memories to look forward to and make. Life goes so fast! I am thankful I can be around as much as I am. I always say to those parents who have toddlers and keep wishing for them to grow up sooner, it will be gone before you know it. Enjoy it, treasure that time, embrace every moment you have!

This got a lot deeper that I thought it would, but anywhere I am back to blogging and hope to keep it up every week!