Happy Sunday!

Woah...this is the second post in less than a week!! Yay! I am so happy! LOL I wanted to share what I have been up to. Jay has now started a new job which is keeping him busy. His schedule will be different so it has been an adjustment, but we are getting there.
I have recently started a Facebook group that will go live this week, it is called Footprints on the heart! <3 I have created it for Moms that have lost a child to have a place for them to be able to share their baby and be around other moms who get it. I remember one of the hardest things for me besides losing Jayden was not knowing anyone who has lost a child before.

I am thankful for the people I have met since losing Jayden. I believe that Jayden has put these people in my life to help me thru my grieving process. I hope to be able to be there for other moms.

If interested in learning more about my group, please comment or contact me. I love helping to #breakthesilence and to share Jayden's story with everyone that I meet.

Where have I been?

Wow! I am so embarrassed! Why has it taken me so long to post. I used to be so good! That is about to change! I don't know if it is me turning 40 this year or just changes in my day to day life, but I have been thinking alot lately about finding that passion. As my kids are getting older, I am finding myself struggling to find that spark to give me something more, something more than a mom.

Please don't get me wrong, being a mom has been the best job in the whole world, I am so thankful for all 3 of my children. I am thankful for a husband that works hard everyday for his family. I am beyond proud of the man he has become. He is constantly challenging himself with new things.

I have been fortunate in having a job working at a preschool. I have met so many amazing people and kids, but I feel like there is so much more that I could be doing. I also have my own skincare business that I am fortunate to have on the side. There is still something missing. I was reminded by a friend today that my passion lies with Jayden, in helping other people by sharing his story. I will drop anything to help another mom who has lost a child. I know how alone that feeling is. I want to be able to help others the way that Hope Mommies helped me.

I am going to make it a priority to update this blog at least once a week!

Thank you for sticking with me and checking in.

Spring...No Break

We are at the end of our Spring Break. Last year the kids were spoiled and we went on the Disney Cruise with my parents. We usually don't go anywhere for Spring Break since we usually go to Florida in June. Well because of last year, my kids were wanting to know what we were doing for Spring Break this year.  I said we will be getting together with some friends, but mainly hanging around the house.

Now to a kid that sounds so boring, but to a mom that sounded heavenly. I loved not having to get up early in the morning before everyone else and get everyone ready. I am the one that makes sure everyone is up on time, dressed, fed and has everything ready for school. It has been nice to sleep in and slowly start our day. We have also been trying to limit the use of technology and I know to some parents that sounds awful especially it being break, but to me it was necessary.  I loved it! I was able to spend more time with my daughter. She is getting older and I know the days of her wanting to hang out with me are limited.

As much as I don't want this week to end, I know I don't have any control over it. I have to get back to work and the kids back to school. The next couple of months will be busy ones and before we know it, it will be Summer! Time is just flying way too fast. We all have to remember to just slow down, stop, and enjoy the little moments.

Hope Mommies Retreat

I am sitting here right now listening to the Hope Mommies Retreat Playlist thru Spotify and letting the music fill my soul. This past weekend I had the pleasure of meeting other Hope Mommies, other women who have lost a baby. It is something that I never wanted nor would have I ever expected to experience. I have not been the same since losing Jayden, nor would I want to be that person I was.
After a weekend like the one I have experienced, I have so many more emotions that are flowing in me. I loved being around other mommies that understand what it feels like to lose a child. It is a place where I don't have to worry about getting weird looks or the sad face because in all honesty anyone that hasn't experienced a pregnancy loss doesn't get it.

I connected with 2 girls there that had also lost boys. I am thankful for them and connecting with them. Pregnancy loss is something that no one should have to experience, but as I have seen after losing Jayden it happens way too often.  I want to be able to help other moms create a place that is safe and they can celebrate their babies. The Hope Mommies Retreat is just once a year, I would love to have some place to go to more often.

I plan on doing more things to get me closer to Jayden and to God. I know that he is near, sometimes it is harder than others to feel him close, I know he is there.

#Iamahopemom

Life as a Mom

So I am not sure why it takes me so long to keep up with this. Life sure keeps me busy with these two kids. I am blessed with these two kids, but life sure can get hard at times. I have had many struggles more since losing Jayden. Yes, I know for those that follow my blog know that it has been over 4 years now of me losing Jayden, but every day it is still fresh. I am still not the same person I was before losing him. That is ok. It is okay for me not to be the same person. I am thankful for those people that have stuck by me thru it all.

So many years laters things have changed, mostly my kids have getting bigger. Addison is 11 going on 14. I look at her every day and can not believe that I have a daughter this old. She is so beautiful and I am so thankful she is mine. Life is tough sometimes because she gets hormonal and I feel bad that she has to go thru all this so early, but she is handling it so well. I want her to know so much that I am trying, I am really trying my hardest. Maybe it doesn't always seem like it, but I am really trying.
Austen, god bless him is my little man. I feel so much that at times I am closer to him because I believe Jayden is working thru him and almost living thru him in a way. I know that may sound weird, but it is so true. It at least feels true for me. He can give me a run for my money for sure, but when it comes down to it, I know that he tries his hardest to make sure I am ok.

I really feel that I try my hardest every day and not sure it seems like it on the outside. I know somedays it may not seem that way.

I am needing to realize that it is okay, for me to not always be okay. I try every day to be the best mom/wife I can be and I just hope my family knows that I am doing the best I can.