Snow Day

The kids did a mini musical the last weekend in January. It was so cute and it was Austen's 1st musical. He was nervous at first, but then so excited every time he got to do it. It helped that his friend Ally from his class was doing it as well. I got so much joy seeing both of my kids up on stage together. I love that they both have my love of music and theater. Addison is already talking about doing it again next year! Now they are both on to soccer!

Working on me

The past couple weeks I have been seeing my counselor again. I started seeing her a couple months after losing Jayden. A couple months ago I felt myself going back down into a place I didn't like. I thought 2 years after losing Jayden I would be in a different place...what place I would be in? I am not really sure. I just hate the feeling I feel and how I feel when I see a pregnant women. It is very hard. I should be in a place now that is so much different than I am. I should have a 2 year old along with my 5 and 9 year old. I hate it. I am trying to figure out how to switch my mind to another place.

If anyone has ever been in a dark place they understand how it feels. I am trying to put myself first and try to work on me and what is going on inside me. I need to do this to make sure I can be the best mom , wife and friend I can be.

Happy 6th Birthday to Austen!!

How could my little boy be 6?!?! When did this happen? I sure didn't let it happen. I am so thankful for him and I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He brings so much happiness and love to our lives. It seems like just yesterday I was at my last day at work and then contractions started.  Austen is a true blessing and he has brought so much more to my life than he will ever know especially after everything we have been thru. I love you Austen Michael!!! Thank you for making Daddy and I so proud!

Jayden's 2nd birthday in heaven

I know it has been awhile since I wrote again, but I wanted to share about Jayden's birthday! I can not believe it has been 2 years since I lost Jayden. I was thankful that Jay took off Jayden's birthday. We got to spend the whole day together which was so nice. We got balloons for Jayden and picked up a cake. We took the kids out for dinner and we celebrated the best we could without our sweet boy!
The kids always love to write notes to Jayden on their balloons. Austen really got into it since he is writing so well now. It melted my heart.

Jayden, mommy misses you every day and it breaks my heart that you aren't with me and your family. I know someday we will meet again. I love you my sweetboy!

A Gift

Yesterday I did something I never thought I could have done. I had bought a baby boy present to be given to the first baby boy that was born on Jayden's birthday! I am thankful that both Vikki and Audree were there yesterday to help me out with this. I am also so thankful for my friend Catherine, who even though she just lost a baby recently herself, she offered to go with me so I wouldn't have to go alone. I am thankful and blessed to have these people in my life!

Happy Birthday to Audree

Today is Audree's birthday, she is my angel here on earth.  I am so thankful for her and for being there that night when I found out we were going to lose Jayden. Since then she has become a part of our family, our kids play together and the bond I have with her will always be strong. I am so thankful for all that she has done for me and for others. Happy Birthday my forever friend! Love you my friend and hope you have an amazing day!!!