Let it go...Let it go!

Addison's Frozen party was a success! She had a lot of fun with her friends and I think they all enjoyed her Frozen party! Here are some pictures from her fun party!

Long time

It has been awhile since I have been able to write and update with pictures. I am hoping this is the start of me being able to catch up now. Today is a big day in our household, Jay starts a new job and we are praying that it is the best fit for him. He has been out of work since March and even though we know it was a blessing in disguise, it has been tough.  I can hardly believe that this summer has flown by as fast as it has. Next week Addison turns 8 years old...not sure how that can be! She also starts second grade, man these years are just flying by way too fast! Addison is of course as excited as can be to start school. It has been nice having Jay home and getting to spend that extra time with him over the summer that we don't normally get. I know this will be a great opportunity for Jay, but we will miss him around the house.  I know he is so ready to get back though into a day to day routine.

I have a busy week of Addison's party on Wed and then getting ready for my brother's wedding this weekend! I can not believe it is finally here! We are all looking forward in celebrating this weekend! Well I better get going. I hope to keep up to date with this. I will leave you with this cute picture of my brother and his soon to be wife!

Thoughts

It has been awhile since I really had time to post on my blog. This summer has been hard. Jay has been interviewing a lot and we are still hoping we hear some good news soon. I have been busy working, babysitting, and trying to keep the kids busy. In the middle of all this I think about Jayden and how he should be with us right now. I seriously go to bed every night and can not believe that this is our reality. I still am not sure why I had to lose my baby and so many people around me are able to have a healthy baby. I keep waiting for a sign or a reason for this to have happened to me. I am still waiting to see it. Some days are better than others, but I am still struggling with finding that reason.
I still feel like there is something that I could have done to prevent this from happening.

Daughtry - Gone Too Soon (Official)

"Gone Too Soon"

Today could have been the day,
That you blow out your candles,
Make a wish as you close your eyes.

Today could have been the day,
Everybody was laughing,
Instead I just sit here and cry,

Who would you be?
What would you look like,
When you looked at me for the very first time?
Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a ray of light we never knew,
Gone too soon, yeah.

Would you have been president
Or a painter, an author, or sing like your mother?
One thing is evident,
Would've given all I had,
Would've loved you like no other.

Who would you be,
What would you look like,
Would you have my smile and her eyes?
Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a ray of light we never knew,
Gone too soon, yeah.

Not a day goes by,
Oh
I'm always asking why.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a beautiful light we never knew,
Gone too soon,
You were gone too soon
Yeah.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you.

Father's Day

Jay had his first race of the year on Father's day! The kids loved it and they were so excited to cheer their dad on! Jay did great and we are so proud of him! We went over to my parents for a BBQ to spend time with them before they left for Italy for my cousin's wedding. Here are some pictures of our fun day!

Been Awhile

It has been awhile since I could post. We have had a lot of ups and downs especially with Jay not having a job. I am praying every day that he finds something soon. I feel like him not having a job is overshadowing the fact that we lost Jayden. I hate that feeling. That isn't fair to us or to Jayden.  I hate his ex boss for doing this when he did. It is never easy to lose a job, but my god it had be just 3 months since we lost Jayden. 2014 has not been a good year so far.  I am looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. I am so thankful for our support group, without them I would be lost.

Return to Zero is a movie that came up, a true story about a couple who suffered a stillborn loss. This movie should be watched by everyone.  Minnie Driver who played the wife, her emotions were right on...it was so real and I am so thankful this movie came out. As sad as it is, this story needed to be told to help educate people understand this situation.  I feel like some people think that I am just over it, that really you are still talking about this. Yes I am, this was my son...I hate that he is not here. I want to scream so loud. I am still so angry at God and angry at other people having kids. This part is so hard. I miss Jayden every day and I just wish I could hold him, kiss, him, talk to him and just watch him sleep. AHHH! I want to scream right now!